Calista's Diary Entry - Summer Separation

Dear Diary,

Since we had so many snow days this year, we had to make up some of that time at the end of this school year.  For a while I felt like the school year would never end, and I was so anxious to start my summer.  If I had known then what I know now, I would have been happy to spend the extra days in school.

Bob told me that he needed to talk to me, so I met him in the hallway after class.

He told me that he wanted to talk about what was happening this summer, and I was excited, thinking that he wanted to make plans to hang out together.  Instead, he gave me the upsetting news that he is going away this summer.  He told me that he was leaving for a vacation with his family the day after the last day of school, then boy scout camp, then sleepaway camp.  Sleepaway camp?  Really???

I asked him how long he would be gone, and he told me that he would be gone almost the entire summer.  What???  My shock and my unhappiness must have shown on my face.  Bob took me by the hand and told me that it would be okay, and that the time would fly by.  No it won't!  I'm used to seeing Bob almost every single day.  I look forward to seeing Bob.  A summer without him seems like an eternity!

I asked him how long he's known about this, and he told me that he's known for a few weeks.  Weeks???  My sadness quickly turned to anger as I asked him why he didn't tell me.  He told me that he thought for a long time about whether or not to tell me, and he said that he did not want me to be upset for that amount of time, and that he just wanted us to enjoy ourselves at school, on the field trip, and just hanging out.  I said that he should have told me!  Bob gave me a big hug.

He apologized for upsetting me, and told me that he really thought that he was doing the right thing.  He asked me if I had enjoyed the time that I've spent with him over the last few weeks, and I said yes.  He asked me if I would have enjoyed it as much if I had known that he would be gone for the summer.  I said that I probably would have been upset the entire time.  He gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Bob put his arm around my shoulders and smiled at me, and he tried to get me to smile, too.  I didn't feel much like smiling, but I tried.

He told me that he needed to see that smile, and needed to know that everything was okay, and that I wasn't going to stay mad at him for 3 months.  I told him I'd see him later.

I stood there and watched him walk away.  I wanted to just grab him and ask him a million and one questions.  I am so confused and angry and hurt and disappointed.  I did not grab him, I did not tell him everything that was on my mind, I just watched him walk away.  And when he was out of sight, my feelings erupted.

You just don't know how long I've been wanting him to hug me again, and to hold my hand again.  I've really wanted him to kiss my cheek.  But all this affection, what does it even mean?  He's leaving!  Is that good-bye?  Is that how he says see you later to his buddies?  I hate this uncertainty so much!  He didn't even say that he'd call while he was away.  He didn't say much of anything!

What it all comes down to is that I really care about him a lot, and now I have to prepare myself to be without him.