Calista's Diary Entry - Summer Separation

Dear Diary,

Since we had so many snow days this year, we had to make up some of that time at the end of this school year.  For a while I felt like the school year would never end, and I was so anxious to start my summer.  If I had known then what I know now, I would have been happy to spend the extra days in school.

Bob told me that he needed to talk to me, so I met him in the hallway after class.

He told me that he wanted to talk about what was happening this summer, and I was excited, thinking that he wanted to make plans to hang out together.  Instead, he gave me the upsetting news that he is going away this summer.  He told me that he was leaving for a vacation with his family the day after the last day of school, then boy scout camp, then sleepaway camp.  Sleepaway camp?  Really???

I asked him how long he would be gone, and he told me that he would be gone almost the entire summer.  What???  My shock and my unhappiness must have shown on my face.  Bob took me by the hand and told me that it would be okay, and that the time would fly by.  No it won't!  I'm used to seeing Bob almost every single day.  I look forward to seeing Bob.  A summer without him seems like an eternity!

I asked him how long he's known about this, and he told me that he's known for a few weeks.  Weeks???  My sadness quickly turned to anger as I asked him why he didn't tell me.  He told me that he thought for a long time about whether or not to tell me, and he said that he did not want me to be upset for that amount of time, and that he just wanted us to enjoy ourselves at school, on the field trip, and just hanging out.  I said that he should have told me!  Bob gave me a big hug.

He apologized for upsetting me, and told me that he really thought that he was doing the right thing.  He asked me if I had enjoyed the time that I've spent with him over the last few weeks, and I said yes.  He asked me if I would have enjoyed it as much if I had known that he would be gone for the summer.  I said that I probably would have been upset the entire time.  He gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Bob put his arm around my shoulders and smiled at me, and he tried to get me to smile, too.  I didn't feel much like smiling, but I tried.

He told me that he needed to see that smile, and needed to know that everything was okay, and that I wasn't going to stay mad at him for 3 months.  I told him I'd see him later.

I stood there and watched him walk away.  I wanted to just grab him and ask him a million and one questions.  I am so confused and angry and hurt and disappointed.  I did not grab him, I did not tell him everything that was on my mind, I just watched him walk away.  And when he was out of sight, my feelings erupted.

You just don't know how long I've been wanting him to hug me again, and to hold my hand again.  I've really wanted him to kiss my cheek.  But all this affection, what does it even mean?  He's leaving!  Is that good-bye?  Is that how he says see you later to his buddies?  I hate this uncertainty so much!  He didn't even say that he'd call while he was away.  He didn't say much of anything!

What it all comes down to is that I really care about him a lot, and now I have to prepare myself to be without him.

Calista's Diary Entry - We've Got Spirit

Dear Diary,

I remember when I first made the Junior Spirit Squad, I was so excited.  Back then, I really worked hard to be the best that I could be on the squad, because I almost didn't make it.  I felt like I had something to prove.  I have gotten so much better and I am so proud of myself.  But as time has gone on, I have started to have mixed feelings.

My body is changing so fast, and I really have started to feel self-conscious wearing my uniform in front of everyone.  We have to wear our uniforms to school on game day, and we sometimes perform at pep assemblies in front of the whole school, as well as at the games.  My uniform seems to have gotten tighter and shorter

When I'm performing, it's like I can feel the boys staring at me.  I don't feel comfortable with that at all.  I heard one of the boys say that I have "more bounce to the ounce."

Plus, I am so much taller now.  I don't look like I belong on the Junior squad.  I feel like I look much older than the other girls now.

A while back, I told my mother that I wanted to quit the squad.  She asked me why, and I told her that I just do.  I did not feel comfortable with telling her all of my reasons.  She told me that I can't quit.  She told me that I had agreed to something, and that I needed to stand by that agreement.  She told me that she and my dad had made an investment in me with this activity by purchasing everything that I need, and that I have an obligation to them to see this through.  She told me that I also have an obligation to the other girls.  She asked me what they would do if I suddenly quit the squad.  I shrugged my shoulders.

She told me that the others are depending on me.  She told me that I am part of a team, and that sometimes I may have to do things that I don't want to do for the sake of the team, in order to make us stronger.  She told me that I also have an obligation to myself.  She said that I have put in a lot of hours and a lot of hard work, and that I owe it to myself most of all to see this through.  She told me that if I choose not to try out for next season, then that's my choice.  But she said that I definitely need to finish this season.

At first I was upset with my mom for not letting me quit, but then I really thought about what she said.  My mom is right.  I gave my word, and the other girls do depend on me.  And I depend on them.  I remembered how excited I was when I found out that I had made the team, and I tried to feel that way again.  The other girls have helped me so much, and we have all worked so hard.  I won't let them down.

So what if I'm showing more skin than I used to.  So what if there's more jiggle when I wiggle.  I'm going to do these moves and do them well!

And I have to remember all of the ways that being on the squad has been beneficial to me.  I've learned to dance and move in ways that I never knew before.  I have become physically stronger and more fit.

I have become more flexible.  I have become more confident and less shy.

 But the best part is that I have had the opportunity to be involved in an activity with my best friends.  We have spent so much time together, and we have had so much fun doing this.

For a while I thought that I would just do this until the end of the season, and then I would not try out again.  I've really thought long and hard about this.  Tryouts are coming up, so I needed to make a final decision.  I've decided to try out again.  Really, tryouts are just a formality.  The Varsity squad had their tryouts recently and all of the same girls are on the squad, except for the ones who are graduating.  I expect that me, Briana Joy, and Kana will all be on the Junior Spirit Squad again, and I'm looking forward to it.

Calista's Diary Entry - Thankful

Dear Diary,

Today I was asked to set the table for our Thanksgiving Day dinner.  I've never set it by myself before, and this was kind of a big deal for me.

Oprah says that "love is in the details", so I wanted to make sure that everything was just perfect for my family.

We used the good plates and the good silver.  I went online and looked up setting the table for a formal dinner to make sure that I was doing everything right.  I also added some personal touches.

 Before we brought out the food, I sat down for a moment alone to reflect.  At Thanksgiving dinner, my family always discusses all of the things that we are thankful for.  I wanted to get my thoughts together.

Even though things may not always go my way, I know that I am blessed.  I am so thankful for my family and friends and for all of the love and support that I have in my life.

I am thankful for those who encourage my creativity.  I'm thankful for those who read my words and who have kind things to say.  I am thankful for those who offer criticism and push me to strive to improve.  I am thankful for those who can identify with my struggles.  I am thankful for those who laugh at my jokes.  I am just so very, very thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Calista’s Diary Entry – New 'Do

Dear Diary,

Layla has the cutest little twists in her hair and I started wondering what my hair would look like in twists. I asked her where she gets her hair done and she told me about her beautician. She said that she would do a great job on my hair. I was a little hesitant at first. I like my ponytail (more accurately - my ponypuff). But I decided to try something new. I can always go back to my old style later.

It took a while to do my hair so we had a lot of time to talk. The topic of the Homecoming Dance came up. Layla asked me if I already had my dress and I told her no. She told me that she already had her dress, shoes, purse, hairstyle, and accessories already picked out. I asked her who she was going with and my chin nearly hit the floor when she said Mikey! Apparently, he asked her to go just a few days after he asked me, but I don't think that she knows. I told her that I couldn't believe that she was going with him and I asked if she liked him. She said yes, she thinks that he's hilarious. I told her that she wouldn't think so if he was constantly teasing HER. She said "Calista, Mikey teases everyone! That's just how he is. He calls me Long Legged Layla every single time he sees me, but you don't see me crying about it. You're just too sensitive."

I told her that I didn't want to talk about it anymore. She asked me who I was going to the dance with and I told her "I don't want to talk about it." She let out a big sigh and changed the subject.

I like my new hairstyle! I will have to get used to it, but I do like it.

Layla gave me her hair clip. She said "This is to keep your thick pretty hair back so that everyone can see your pretty face."