Sunday, August 17, 2014

Revealing It All

Nervousness.  That's what Palmer was feeling at that moment as he sat on the couch with Zalika.  He asked himself how he could be nervous in this moment, when he can be so calm and cool when speaking in front of thousands of people.  He put his hand in is pocket where he was keeping the ring that he had purchased for her.  He wanted to ask her right now.  He wanted to skip everything else and just ask her, but he knew that was an emotional response, and he was determined that he would act rationally, as always.

Palmer had known that he wanted to be President one day from a young age.  His father and his uncle (who had been a politician) encouraged him, led him, and gave him advice.  They always stressed to him to think rationally, even when faced with circumstances that would normally elicit a very emotional reaction.  They advised him not to act out in anger, not to ever cry, and not to even express too much joy.  They said that others would see strong emotional reactions as a sign of weakness.  So Palmer had learned from an early age how to compartmentalize his emotions.  He dealt with situations very calmly and rationally, and dealt with the emotional elements later.  Even when Palmer's father had died when Palmer was a young man, Palmer never once cried.  He took care of all of the arrangements, and others commented on how strong he was.  Palmer felt that the most fitting tribute that he could give to his father was to not cry over his death.

So he would have this conversation with Zalika very calmly and very rationally.  He would tell her what to realistically expect going into a relationship with him, and would also give her worse case scenarios.  The time for showing emotions would come late.  And Zalika knew him.  She had seen him angry, sad, and extremely happy.  He felt that he didn't have to hide any part of who he was from her.

Zalika said "So let's get this over with."  Zalika launched into telling Palmer personal details from her past, and Palmer calmly listened.

The things that she told him were mostly things that they had already discussed (in the form of Zalika telling him humorous stories).  There were a few surprises.  He didn't know about the photos that she had taken for a former boyfriend.
Palmer:  You need to tell me his name.
Zalika:  Why?
Palmer:  I need the name.
Zalika:  I haven't even talked to him in I don't know how many years!  I wouldn't even know any of his contact information.
Palmer:  I just need the name.  Trust me on this, okay?
Zalika [hesitantly]:  His name is Calvin...
Palmer:  Write it down for me, please.
Zalika did what Palmer asked.  She did trust Palmer, but the thought of handing him that information made her nervous.  Why did he need that, she wondered. 

Zalika sat quietly for a moment, trying to find the words for what she needed to tell him next.  Palmer said "There's more."  It was more of a statement than a question, but Zalika nodded her head rapidly, and then continued to sit in silence.  

Palmer calmly stated "I know that this is hard, and believe me I wish that we didn't have to have this conversation.  But the reality is, when I run for President, there will be individuals who will make it their mission to dig up dirt on you, and they will use that information to paint you in a negative light.  They will be ruthless in how they find their information.  Interviews with people from your past, school records, even medical records.  They may come up with a partial truth, and they will fill in the rest with lies.  And then you could find yourself in a situation where you can't even address the lie, because then you would have to acknowledge the small amount of truth.  And they will come up with horrendous headlines in order to sell papers or get hits on their sites.  If you've ever tried drugs, they will call you an addict.  If you've ever been treated for depression, they will call you mentally ill or crazy.  If you've ever terminated a pregnancy, they will call you..."  Palmer stopped, but Zalika filled in the blank by quietly saying "Babykiller" as she stared into Palmer's eyes.  He looked at her and said "They will call you that, and worse."

In that moment, Zalika knew that Palmer was already privy to information that no one was supposed to ever know about her, and he'd had that information before she'd had a chance to tell him.  Her eyes immediately welled up with tears.  Of course they had run a background check on her, why wouldn't they?  Palmer sometimes talked about the background checks that would routinely run  on others who came close to him, why not her?  Zalika began to cry. 

Palmer immediately put his arms around her and pulled her close.  He felt so helpless in that moment.  He would've done just about anything to wipe away her pain, so knowing that he was the cause was particularly difficult.  He told her "You know I would never have ordered a background check on you.  It's my people...it's just what they do.  I trust you.  You've never lied to me"  He felt her nod her head.  He said "None of that stuff matters to me.  Nothing that you've said and nothing that they've said have changed my feelings for you.  You are not alone in this.  I'm right here with you.  You know that I will defend you.  You know that I will try my best to prevent others from trying to trash your name.  You know that!"

Zalika raised her head and spoke.  "If you defend me, for some people that will be the same as saying that you condone everything that I've ever done.  It could become a distraction in your campaign.  You would lose votes because of me, and I just couldn't live with myself knowing that!" 

Palmer spoke calmly and reassuringly to Zalika, and told her that it would all be okay, that things would be difficult at times, but that everything would all work out.  Zalika kept shaking her head.  "I can't.  I just can't."

"What if you didn't run for President?  What if you remained in politics, but just did not run for President?"  Zalika heard her own voice saying those words, but could not believe they had actually come out of her mouth.  Palmer looked like he crumpled a little upon hearing those words.  He felt a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.  "I've wanted to be President since I was 10 years old.  I've been groomed for politics since I was a child.  I've spent my life trying to make the right decisions and trying to align myself with the right people.  I feel with ever fiber of my being that I am on the right path, and that things are working out in such a way for a reason.  Being President is more than just an aspiration for me, I feel that it is my destiny.  I have to at least try."  Zalika said "I know, and I believe that you will win."

Zalika stood up and Palmer looked startled.  He said "This doesn't have to be the end for us.  I'm not running for President right away."  Zalika said "I can't be in a relationship that has an expiration date.  This is too hard."  Palmer stood up and took Zalika in his arms.  "I don't..." he heard his voice tremble, so he took a moment, cleared his throat, and started again.  "I don't want to lose you.  I love you."

Zalika had often imagined what it would be like the first time she heard the words "I Love You" from Palmer.  She had always known that he loved her, he said it in so many ways other than just those 3 little words.  Never had she imagined that the first time she would hear him say the actual words would be as they were saying goodbye.  Zalika said "And I love you.  I've loved you since the day we met, and I never believed that was even possible until I met you.

Palmer held Zalika close, and he kissed her.  She kissed him back, and then tearfully said "Goodbye, Palmer.  You will always have my vote."



Palmer and Zalika have been dealing with a lot of pain since the break-up.  Check out their latest video, "Unbreak My Heart" (with vocals by yours truly).

21 comments:

  1. Whew that was a lot there! I kept hoping they wouldn't break up...maybe they will get back together. hmmm That video was some kind of hot girl! more more! LOL

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    1. Thank you for your comments, The grandmommy! You never know, they could get back together. This story is ongoing...

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  2. Politics is a messy business. Too bad for Zalika and Palmer. I think that no matter who he would choose as a partner, the other side would dig up dirt on. After all, we all have some skeletons in our closets! I was hoping he would say they would figure it out, but that he loved her and wanted to marry her. After all, isn't that why he bought the ring even against his advisor's advise?

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    1. Hi Phyllis! When Palmer bought the ring, his expectation was that he and Zalika would have a difficult conversation, but that Zalika would tell him that she wanted for them to be together. He was really shocked when she broke up with him. He's in a difficult spot because he wants to be with her, and he wants to shield her from pain, but being with her could actually cause her pain. I wonder how the outcome would have differed if Zalika knew that he had a ring in his pocket and was prepared to propose.

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  3. So sad. Staying together would be too difficult for both of them. Their relationship is proof that sometimes love hurts. Maybe they can find a way to work things out.

    I enjoyed the video and the vocals.

    dbg

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    1. Thank you, Debbie! Yes, love certainly does hurt for these 2 right now. Time will tell if they are able to work things out.

      I'm glad that you enjoyed the video and the vocals and I really appreciate you saying so. The way that it all turned out is not what I had envisioned, but I'm trying to embrace it for what it is.

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    2. So my husband just watched the video and he told me that it's the best work I've done. LOL! I guess I feel a little better.

      He came in the room and told me "I just watched Unbreaaaaak My Hearrrtttttt..." imitating my singing voice. Now normally, we can laugh together about just about anything, but I told him to stop, and that I was sensitive about this video for whatever reason.

      First of all, I'm sensitive about the song. I feel like this song displays both the best and the worst qualities of my voice. When I first recorded this for MySpace karaoke years ago, I came close to deleting it, but then I got an overwhelmingly positive response. I got more positive feedback and more comments on this song than all of my other songs combined (I think there were 12 songs). So I thought to myself maybe there's something here that's really good, but I can't hear it because I'm so focused on what I wish had been better.

      As for the video, I'm aware that any video that I do will have an element of comedy because I'm dealing with dolls and trying to move them as people would move (sometimes I don't try very hard). I crack myself up when making these things. In this video, I felt that the things that weren't quite right or just looked wrong were funny to the point of distraction from the overall sad tone. When editing the video, I was teaching myself a new video editing software that's more powerful and more complicated than what I've used before, and I was frustrated. I hope that future videos will be better because of what I learned with this one.

      I asked my husband if he had laughed at any point while watching, and he said that he had laughed throughout the entire thing. I asked him if he'd felt anything other than humor, and he hadn't. That was disappointing. I can accept that there are humorous moments, but I had also hoped that the emotions that I was trying to convey would come through as well.

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    3. As a fellow perfectionist, I understand your concern and inhibitions, but if we don't make attempts at the things we truly enjoy, we'll never reach or come as close to the perfection we desire.

      I thought the video conveyed the emotions appropriately. Of course I saw a couple of bloopers, but I kept wondering if you had help filming because most of the movements were very believable. Is her er husband helping her do this? (I wondered.)

      Speaking of your husband, he's got jokes. I know he grasped the message the video conveyed, too. He was just trying to give you a hard time.

      dbg

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    4. Thank you Debbie, I will keep trying. The videos are a 1 woman production. I do all of the posing, moving, recording, editing, etc. When I take the dolls on location photo shoots, my husband does assist sometimes with getting good photographs. But he's never helped on the videos. I try my best to record while he's not around.

      And yes, my husband does have jokes. They're not always funny, but he always has jokes. :)

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  4. Sigh. Pity that his job should come between them. I mean his vocation-to-be.

    Still, they met. They had lovely times together. Those experiences cannot be taken away from them. New and future engagements, yes.

    I wish them both well. Palmer to achieve his presidential aspirations; Zalika to realize whatever other dreams she has.

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    1. Hi D7ana! Yes, what a pity, especially since (like Palmer told William) the job will be for 8 years maximum. I do hope that Palmer and Zalika both find happiness in their lives, and I'm glad that they had amazing times together.

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  5. Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ok I'll stop. That was heartbreaking, but a good story nonetheless.

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    1. Thank you, Doll Crazy, I'm glad that you enjoyed the story even though this particular outcome wasn't desirable for you. I felt bad after reading your previous comments because I knew that this would be the outcome of this phase of their story. Being a hopeless romantic, do you believe that love conquers all? If that is true, then who knows what the future could hold for these two.

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  6. As one who felt she should break up with him from the get-go, while this is an unfortunate situation, I actually don't see them completely letting go of one another. I cant see him giving up quite so quickly. Perhaps when she isn't feeling so raw emotionally they will reconnect.

    Now as to your video, first google was being a poop and wouldn't let me hit the like button unless I signed up for something else and I don't want to so just know that I liked it - a lot!

    Second, reading your comment above I know that the video didn't turn out how you wanted. I will say that I smiled throughout the entire video - even the sad/crying parts and I giggled through most of the video as well. However, this was not because I thought the dolls were being funny, it's because I have the mentality of a 12 year old boy and seeing dolls get'n busy makes me giggle like I'm doing something naughty. Some of us just react like noobs, maybe your husband included? My giggle fest did not take away from the seriousness of the content because even when I was giggle-snorting I was still awwing at how sad and upset they were. I found your video and your singing very entertaining so I hope that you keeping making and sharing your efforts.

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    1. Hi Muff! I tend to agree with you that Palmer doesn't seem like the type to give up easily. He didn't get to where he is now by giving up, and he's used to getting what he wants. I imagine that he will at least TRY to get her back.

      Well I guess that me and my husband both have the mentality of 12 year old boys also, because we laugh out loud at the special scenes. Well, I didn't laugh as much at this one, so maybe I'm becoming desensitized to it. I still watch "Weak" and laugh, though. I'm so glad that you had some awwwwwww moments mixed in with the laughter because that lets me know that the emotional content was not totally lost. Laughter is a good thing, so it makes me happy that you giggle-snorted at my video. I will keep making videos and sharing them for sure. Thanks so much for your comments!

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  7. This is a sad turn in the story, but very nicely done, lovely episode--yes, campy in form, yet poignant too. You are a great story-teller and a beautiful singer, Roxie!

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    1. Thank you D. Johnson! It's great to get another man's opinion on the video. At the end (the office scene and the final bedroom scene), I was using my T-shirt "green screen" technique. LOL! That didn't work as well as I'd hoped. I have a deleted scene of them in a hot tub (using the "green screen") that was totally unusable, but so hilarious that I was tempted to keep it in the video anyway. I'll be doing a bloopers and outtakes video so that I can show these things that made me laugh, but that I couldn't include. And one of these days I'll have to come up with a decent green screen. :)

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  8. Great story and video. I enjoyed them both. What??!!! Palmer crying....what would his father say. It doesn't feel like this is the end. I am surprised that he didn't pop the question. We woman have a way of forgetting everything when a ring is put before us. lol. I do understand point. I am the say way about future preachers to be that I was dating. I could never see myself being a preacher's wife.

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    1. Thank you Vanessa! Palmer's father would be glad that at least Palmer was alone when he broke down. Their story doesn't feel finished to me either, especially since the next chapter has already been written in my head. I don't think that Palmer and Zalika will stay out of my head until I actually get their story out there. I used to say the same thing as you about being a preacher's wife.

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