Sunday, August 3, 2014

As She Ponders

As Palmer suggested, Zalika thought long and hard about their future together, and tried to realistically imagine what the future would hold for them as a couple when Palmer runs for President, and beyond.

Zalika recalled that many years prior, there was a bit of a stir in the media when a recorded telephone conversation between Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles was made public.  Zalika had found a portion of the conversation hilarious, and had made friends and co-workers burst into laughter with her impressions of the couple.  Even Palmer.  Her impression had become butchered over time, misquoted and over-exaggerated for effect.  One evening, while Zalika and Palmer dined privately, the conversation turned to the royal couple and Zalika had an occasion to once again do her impression.
Zalika as Prince Charles:  "When I die, I want to come back as a pair of your knickers!"
Zalika as Camilla Parker Bowles:  "Ooooooooh Darling!"
Palmer had thrown his head back and howled with laughter, his mouth wide open and filled with half-chewed steak and potatoes.   Zalika was at once repulsed and highly amused at the sight of the dignified Palmer struggling to keep his food in his mouth.  She laughed until tears came to her eyes as Palmer pleaded "Stop! You're going to make me choke!"  They'd both had to take a break from eating in order to compose themselves once again.

So it's not so funny now.  Zalika imagined what it would be like if a recording of one of her late night conversations with Palmer were made public.  Humiliation would ensue.  Zalika winced as she imagined her mother's reaction, and worse yet her father's reaction, and the reactions of all of the people that she knows and cares about.  She and Palmer would have to be a lot more careful.  Zalika thought about reporters and their cameras with long-range telephoto lenses, and imagined their lives behind locked doors, constantly checking to make sure that the windows are closed and the curtains pulled.  Ok, she thought, so that's the easy part.

The hard part was looking at her own life through a microscope, and imagining how Palmer's political rivals would characterize her based upon her past actions.  She had told Palmer before that when she was in college, she did a lot of dumb shit.  She had told him some of the more humorous stories and they had both laughed.  But there were some things that she didn't tell him, and had never intended to, until now.  Palmer had known since he was a child that he wanted to be President one day, and was careful about what he did. And when he did mess up, he had help and support to make his mess go away.  Zalika had gone to a college that was several states away from where she grew up, in a place where she didn't know anyone.  She had looked at it as an opportunity to re-invent herself.  The problem was that she didn't know who she wanted to be.  So she tried a lot of things, and made a lot of dumb mistakes.  Never did she think that her actions would one day potentially be looked at under intense scrutiny.

She had made pretty good grades, but she had also partied.  She was particularly proud of her body back then, and wore a lot of revealing clothing.  "Ok", she thought, "there are probably going to be photos of a scantily clad drunk me that surface - what else"?  She thought about her Statistics class and how she had really struggled at first, until she went to her professor for help.  She ended up making an A in the class, but  "they" would probably say that it was more because of the relationship that she had then carried on with her professor than about the work that she'd done to earn the A.  Then she thought about the polaroid photos that she had taken for an ex, and how after they'd broken up she'd asked for the photos and he'd told her that he had already gotten rid of them.  Did he really get rid of them?  "Okay, if those photos surface, that could be a scandal, so that's something that I definitely need to make Palmer aware of", she thought.  She imagined those photos of her younger self in the pages of a magazine or on an internet website, and again imagined her parents' reactions.  She shuddered.

She thought long and hard about her past, even those parts that she didn't like to remember, and she felt fear and dread as she imagined her upcoming conversation with Palmer.

21 comments:

  1. Wow. Zalika has a lot of thinking to do. I don't envy her one bit ;-}

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    1. I don't envy her either, D7ana. All of her thinking is hurting my head. :)

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  2. Nuh uh, nope. I'd end it right now. The second he announces anything with her by his side those nekkid photos will be on the internet faster than you can say, "Look at them boobies."

    She's thinking awfully hard though so she must like him on a deeper level and is envisioning a future. I think she's making a mistake even telling him about her past deeds, but I guess he needs to know what's up and what could come at him if they get involved.

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    1. "look at them boobies" snickering

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    2. LOL Muff! She does care about Palmer a lot. As much as she wants to stay with him, I think a part of her just wants to run and avoid the whole mess. We shall see what they decide...

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  3. My momma always told me you never know who you might marry or what you may become so never do or photo anything you never want to resurface. I do believe it is possible for a person to change or evolve. Sadly, we live in a society where most people judge you harshly according to your past.

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    1. Your momma had good advice AG Lanc! If Zalika had followed that advice, she would not be having as much apprehension as she's having right now.

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  4. Um, what about the wife of New York mayor, Bill deBlasio , who once considered herself a lesbian now married with children. People got over it and voted him in anyway.

    Nancy Reagan killed a girl in an auto accident when she was young.

    Clinton didn't inhale but tried it! LOL

    Ted Kennedy had Mary Jo Kopechne.

    I say GO FOR IT GIRL! If it is what you want!

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    1. You bring up an excellent point, The grandmommy! I thought that it was Laura Bush who killed a girl in an auto accident? You're right, other politicians have been able to overcome a bit of scandal in their careers. And who knows, maybe Zalika is just worrying too much.

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  5. Howling at "Look at them boobies". I am in total agreement with The grandmommy, go for it Zalika!

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    1. Thanks for your comments Doll Crazy! I can understand that Zalika is hesitant about proceeding, given that she could face humiliation if and when they take their relationship public. But they say that love conquers all...

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  6. I say jump in but keep your eyes open. Scandals come and go so she should go for it.

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    1. Thanks for your input, Brini! Most people will forget the details of a scandal, but others will never let the person forget their mistakes. I know that Zalika is a strong woman, but is she strong enough to handle that?

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  7. Oohwee, I can't even imagine being in her place! Nowdays, the simplest thing could be made into a scandal!

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    1. Thanks for your comments, Teva! Perhaps with scandals becoming more commonplace, the realization has occurred that people make mistakes, even those that we put on a pedestal. Perhaps for most people the mistakes made by others are easier to understand and forgive.

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  8. Goodness. If I were there with her I would tell her "you can't make decisions about your life out of fear, or 'what if'." College students party and sometimes they do things that are a little crazy. Big whoop. It's part of the college experience. If you try to live that perfect, pristine life, you are not experiencing life to the fullest. We learn our greatest lessons through the mistakes we make. I wish someone would tell me to live my life based on someone I might marry in the future. They would get an ear full, including my mother. Where would Vanessa Williams be had it not been for the scandal? I just heard a Deepak Chopra saying that is my new mantra...."What other people think of me is none of my business."

    She should fearlessly share the information with Palmer and if he decides to walk away from the relationship, so be it. The best way to avoid scandal is to put the information out there first. Then you manage the information.

    Where would Kim Kardashian be without scandal? And I don't care that she's not in the political arena because I'm convinced that woman could marry a future President and be very proud that she's first lady, despite her scandals.

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    1. Thanks for your comments, Vanessa! There's a lot to think about here. Some people have managed scandals in their careers brilliantly, as you've pointed out here. I think that scandal and drama have helped a lot of careers. But would a majority of people vote for any husband of Kim Kardashian as President?

      I did some dumb stuff too in college (different dumb stuff than Zalika, but dumb). I was telling my husband about this post, and as I was telling him about some of the stuff she did in college and he interrupted me with "...and did she also...[insert embarrassing story about me here]?" I paused and looked at him and told him that I was about to pinch him so hard that he would remember it 50 years from now. He laughed with this high-pitched cackle, and all I could do was sit there and marvel at how such a high-pitched sound could come from such a big black bearded manly man. He told me "Don't worry, I'm not running for office." I said "Well praise the Lord!"

      Would I take back the dumb stuff that I did if I could? Not most of it, because I learned from it. There is one thing that I did that I really regret and I wish that I could take it back because it came back to bite me years later. Would I want to see that thing as a headline in a newspaper? Nope. Would I like it if people judged and tried to define me by a stupid choice that I made when I was 19? Nope. If Zalika chooses to take that risk, more power to her. I wouldn't want to.

      But at least my husband can get a good laugh out of my youthful stupidity. :)

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  9. When young and adventurous, most people do a lot of stupid stuff that may or may not come back to haunt them. Of course while they are doing it, if they have a conscience, they are well aware of the stupidity of their actions or the actions they are about to make, but they still do it, throwing caution to the wind. It seems Zalika's past irresponsible actions are no exception. She does have a not of thinking to do and a lot of confessing if she wants to continue the relationship with Palmer. Even if she doesn't fess up, she has to decide whether or not continuing a secret relationship with him or anyone else is really worth the trouble for a few moments of pleasure.

    dbg

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    1. By the way, you are such a great story teller! The Palmer-Zalika saga is reading like a page-turner.

      dbg

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    2. Thanks so much Debbie! I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story. You're so right about young people and the things that they do. I look at some of my nieces and nephews on social media, and I just thank my lucky stars that there was no FB or anything like that when I was that age, and no digital cameras on cell phones. They will learn that the internet has a looooooong memory.

      Zalika had said in the past that she would never be in a relationship where the guy feels that he has to keep her a secret. I think that she's had enough of the status of her relationship with Palmer. It's time for them to just decide to be truly open about their relationship, or move on. Zalika thought that because her college town was far away from where she grew up and far away from where she would end up, she could do just about whatever she wanted while there with few consequences. Now she not only has to face her own actions, but there is also a possibility that her actions will be revealed to the masses. She does indeed have a lot of thinking to do.

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