Calista's Diary Entry - We've Got Spirit

Dear Diary,

I remember when I first made the Junior Spirit Squad, I was so excited.  Back then, I really worked hard to be the best that I could be on the squad, because I almost didn't make it.  I felt like I had something to prove.  I have gotten so much better and I am so proud of myself.  But as time has gone on, I have started to have mixed feelings.

My body is changing so fast, and I really have started to feel self-conscious wearing my uniform in front of everyone.  We have to wear our uniforms to school on game day, and we sometimes perform at pep assemblies in front of the whole school, as well as at the games.  My uniform seems to have gotten tighter and shorter

When I'm performing, it's like I can feel the boys staring at me.  I don't feel comfortable with that at all.  I heard one of the boys say that I have "more bounce to the ounce."

Plus, I am so much taller now.  I don't look like I belong on the Junior squad.  I feel like I look much older than the other girls now.

A while back, I told my mother that I wanted to quit the squad.  She asked me why, and I told her that I just do.  I did not feel comfortable with telling her all of my reasons.  She told me that I can't quit.  She told me that I had agreed to something, and that I needed to stand by that agreement.  She told me that she and my dad had made an investment in me with this activity by purchasing everything that I need, and that I have an obligation to them to see this through.  She told me that I also have an obligation to the other girls.  She asked me what they would do if I suddenly quit the squad.  I shrugged my shoulders.

She told me that the others are depending on me.  She told me that I am part of a team, and that sometimes I may have to do things that I don't want to do for the sake of the team, in order to make us stronger.  She told me that I also have an obligation to myself.  She said that I have put in a lot of hours and a lot of hard work, and that I owe it to myself most of all to see this through.  She told me that if I choose not to try out for next season, then that's my choice.  But she said that I definitely need to finish this season.

At first I was upset with my mom for not letting me quit, but then I really thought about what she said.  My mom is right.  I gave my word, and the other girls do depend on me.  And I depend on them.  I remembered how excited I was when I found out that I had made the team, and I tried to feel that way again.  The other girls have helped me so much, and we have all worked so hard.  I won't let them down.

So what if I'm showing more skin than I used to.  So what if there's more jiggle when I wiggle.  I'm going to do these moves and do them well!

And I have to remember all of the ways that being on the squad has been beneficial to me.  I've learned to dance and move in ways that I never knew before.  I have become physically stronger and more fit.

I have become more flexible.  I have become more confident and less shy.

 But the best part is that I have had the opportunity to be involved in an activity with my best friends.  We have spent so much time together, and we have had so much fun doing this.

For a while I thought that I would just do this until the end of the season, and then I would not try out again.  I've really thought long and hard about this.  Tryouts are coming up, so I needed to make a final decision.  I've decided to try out again.  Really, tryouts are just a formality.  The Varsity squad had their tryouts recently and all of the same girls are on the squad, except for the ones who are graduating.  I expect that me, Briana Joy, and Kana will all be on the Junior Spirit Squad again, and I'm looking forward to it.